Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
