why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
