can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
