Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
