The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize