I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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