I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
