She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
people are starting to question the shark bite story
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Alive.
So much puke
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
