Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
