I will die if light touches me.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
