I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
