It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
