***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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