like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
