Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
