So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
