My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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