I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wear drunk well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
