just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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