Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
