I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
where are my eyebrows?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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