I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
