New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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