As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
