I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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