omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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