Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
