I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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