Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
