My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
