whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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