and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
