youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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