Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
