the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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