Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
