Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
