Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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