the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
