I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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