I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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