I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
