I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
