A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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