I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
