THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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