Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
