So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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