So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
