i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
