You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
