a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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