he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
