whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
