My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
