I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
