he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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