i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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