Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
