every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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